When God gave me the idea for RuthlessMothering, I had one baby – now, my oldest daughter. When I realized I’d be raising her without the help of my mom, the first thing I said was “I’m Ruthless…Ruthless Mothering.” I would never know what it’s like to call on my mom for wisdom or babysitting. My mom (Ruth) died four years prior to me getting married and five years prior to me becoming a mom. When God gave me the idea for RM, I let the enemy stand directly in my way (I’ll tell you more about that later). I was so excited about RM, and felt like a failure as I watched the enemy get in my way. As time passed by, the enemy’s plan began to destroy my life. I started thinking more highly of myself than I ought to think (Romans 12:3) because I expected myself to know more as a parent as I had two more daughters and they grew to a certain age. This is where RM was supposed to help me. I didn’t know anything. 

As a mom, I was prideful, supposing that I should know certain things. My mom was a single parent and possibly too tired for relationship with me, or maybe she didn’t know how to have one with me because her mom died when she was an infant. I can see how I’ve carried that same spirit of pride. There’s a stigma that many of us put on ourselves, especially as parents. This is what separates good moms from great moms when we don’t ask for help. As the world changed, women began to take on the doctrine of having it all, and we ran with it. Now, we’re burnt out. We can’t even fight the battle with Hollywood. We don’t even know we’re in a fight with Hollywood! We’ve been taught that we should know what we’re doing when we don’t, always, and that there’s shame in not knowing. We all need help – from the least of us to the greatest. Some of us don’t have nurturing skills. For some, they have to be developed or even taught. Pain and trauma play a big role in who we become as women and moms. 

We’ve chosen to carry the burden of fixing ourselves when God hasn’t called us to do that. He’s the best parent. He understands. It is we who don’t understand the grace we have with our Heavenly Father! He knows our backgrounds. He isn’t some cruel god who expects us to have abilities beyond we don’t have. It’s okay to not have it all together as a mom. We’re not supposed to, otherwise we wouldn’t need God, and those moms who don’t seem to need God need Him more than us! It’s when we don’t let Him grow us that we have issues. All He wants to do is show us who He is so that we can trust Him and grow. We’re moms, but we’re still children in His sight, and children don’t have it all together. So, we don’t live by lies, here. Ruthless Mothering is about community. We’re not women full of problems. We’re daughters — who are women, moms — who need God to teach us how to lead our children. We can ask questions about parenting,  talk about the difficulties, and even ask for help. No longer pretending we can do it all, it’s time to stand together against a world that hates the truth. Whether we need to talk, share, vent, scream, cry and laugh – no matter the circumstances, Lord, help us accept that the pressures of mommy-hood from the world will no longer be tolerated! We are women — soft, gentle, loving, kind, patient, good, faithful, helpful, hopeful, beautiful, and funny — and it all grows from the inside to look like Jesus.